Massive Project Dump

Greetings, my people!!

I just finished watching the latest episode of Downton Abbey and I am emotionally drained. So, instead of attempting to be witty and smart and funny when I am in a state of despair and am feeling quite done in, I am going to do a dump of the projects I have worked on over the past month or so.

First up - The Pencil Holder. A very awesome woman in my CHEM 312 class switched lab days with me since I was unable to acquire a time-turner from the Ministry. According to the party line over there, they were all destroyed during some yearly cleaning exercise. What. Ever. Anyway, she was awesome and didn't have to switch with me and so, when someone does something nice for you, you do something nice for them. I made her a pencil holder.

I noticed the first couple of days we were in class together, she was wearing Green Bay stuff and I wanted to make her something Green Bay related. Sadly, I didn't have any of the right green, so I found this fat quarter that I had and it had green and yellow in it, so I grabbed some coordinating felt and made this pencil holder. I gave it to my classmate and she liked it. Enough so that she loaded her pencils and pens into it and put it in her backpack. Yay!


Next we have my yoga mat bag. Like a million thousand billion other people, I decided that 2013 was going to be the year I got healthier. I bought a punch card for classes at the local studio. I'm taking a willPower and grace class on Wednesday nights and yoga on Fridays. I had the mat, but wanted a way to carry it, my wallet, my towel, and my water. So, I needed a bag. I tried for a couple of days to make a cylindrical one, but getting a circle cut out for the bottom was vexing me to the point of the phrase, "NAMASTE, MY ASS!" came hurtling out of my mouth. So, I found another pattern and using more material I had sitting around, I took a half hour the morning before my class and I came up with this:

The outside is canvas and the inside is lined with yellow cotton. The strap needs to be shortened and I wish I had incorporated a pocket on the inside. But the owner of the studio liked it very much and said that if I made them, she would sell them in her shop. !!! I about passed out. I've thought of selling my stuff before, but I don't know if I can motivate myself to make things en masse. I might try for this, though. It would be awesome to sell something locally made in a locally owned and run business. 'Twould be awesome.

Thirdly, I have always wanted to paint. I have often said that, like Ariel, I would gladly give something up for the ability to paint. Well, this summer I took one of my required art classes and the professors made me paint. And I did it. I painted. And so, I've decided I'm going to do some sort of painting, mixed media, or something. This is what I've started -

The pencil sketch.

With the background painted in.

The tree painted.

I'm planning on adding color with either a cool stamping process using paint and the bottom of a plastic soda bottle or using some of my trillion buttons. If I do the buttons. I might add some texture by covering the tree with some dark brown yarn and then putting button leaves on. The next one I do will be the other half of the tree. I want to hang these in our room once we get the walls painted. I'll post new pictures when I finish them.

I have also recovered a chair cushion for an Ikea chair we bought at an estate sale, but that deserves its own post. It is really awesome and I am really proud of it. Instead, I shall show off my new jammies. But first, a bit of back story. The end of the summer brought some major upheaval in my life. It sucked, it was hard, and I really wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But one of the things that came out of it was a discovery of an inner strength that I was never aware I was in possession of. I learned - am learning - a lot about myself. I am strong. I can handle whatever gets thrown at me and come out victorious. And so, I have taken a page from Captain Hubby's comic books and started embracing my inner superhero. And so, I have been buying myself a lot of Supergirl, Batgirl, and Wonder Woman stuff. It started with underpinnings I found at Target. Now, I can't remember WHY I went searching for DC Women fabric, but the point is I did and bought some on eBay to make an ass-kicking apron. Then, while at JoAnns this past Sunday, I found another version of it that I liked just as much. So I bought two yards and made pajama pants and then, using a red t-shirt I already had, appliqued some of the scrap onto it and vye-oh-lay! New jammies to watch the SAG awards in. I came out in them and Captain Hubby got a huge grin on his face. I think he's loving seeing me in superhero stuff. Finally, he's influencing my sartorial choices.

These pajamas will kick your ass in my sleep.

Close up of the ass-kicking fabric.

And there it is. My massive project dump. Hopefully, you didn't find this post tedious and awful. I promise to be funnier and smarter and wittier next time.

So with that, I am off in search of more Downton Abbey to completely undo me. The women in this show are amazing and show great strength in their British, aristocratic way. In honor of the strong women that surround me and to inspire those that might need the words, I leave you with this anonymous quote I found.

"Sometimes the strongest women are the ones who love beyond all faults, cry behind closed doors, and fights battles that nobody knows about."

Love to you all, 
The Empress

What Do You Mean I Can't Put "Crafting Time" on the Family Chore Chart?

Well, fine then. I was going to put "X Box Time" on there, too but forget it, now. Humph.

This cartoon is patently untrue. Captain Hubby would never wear plaid.

Maybe I didn't really try to put Crafting Time on the family chore chart I made, tempted though I was. It would be awesome!

"Mommy, can you help me with my homework?"
"Sorry! It's Crafting Time! Says right there on the Family Schedule!"

"Honey? Can you help me put out the fire in the kitchen?"
"No. It's Crafting Time. Look at the schedule I made and STOP BOTHERING ME!"

OK - I see your point. Doesn't mean I like it.

So, after about 13 years of being tired of waking up to a trashed kitchen, I decided that - as a family - we would a) start eating at the table and b) clean up the dining room and kitchen AS A FAMILY. Cleaning up everything after dinner - including making lunches from the leftovers and putting food away - only takes us about 20 minutes. It was awesome. So I decided to take it a step further and actually make a schedule to keep our afternoons and evenings on track. This was also so that I would be better about getting Em to sit down and do her homework each day. If she doesn't have homework, she works on other stuff or starts her chores. Not liking anything I found in the stores (as per usual), I decided to break in my new glue gun, use up some materials I wanted out of my basement, and make a family schedule and chore tracker for Em. This was the result:

I have no smarty-alec comment for this board. It's that awesome.

We wanted Em to have some responsibilities other than her regular daily chores. These are the ones we came up with. Thanks to Abi, I will probably be adding one more to it - cleaning out the fridge.

"Mom? How come all these chores are the chores you and daddy hate?"  "Oh, are they? Huh. Imagine that."

 Once upon a time, I asked Em to do something for me. Being a snotty girl at times she declared, "YOU are not rich and I am NOT your servant!" I laughed right at her and informed her, "Sweetheart, the reason poor people have children is to have servants." She was not pleased with this information. She did not find it relevant to her interests.

I also really love quotes. Our friend's children go to a parochial school and they have a family memory verse that they post on their family bulletin board.I knew Captain Hubby wouldn't go for that, so instead I found this quote by Mother Teresa.

Like I'd add a smart-ass comment underneath a quote from Mother Teresa. Bad enough her death got overshadowed by Princess Diana's.

Imagine that wall a pretty, buttery yellow. Now imagine the board hanging on the wall you can't see. Awesome, right??

I brought it up from the basement to show Captain Hubby and the guys. They were nonplussed. Exactly as they usually are when I bring up a finished project. They look at me like I'm a cat that has gone outside, hunted down a vole, caught it, and then brought it back into the house like a trophy: Impressed that I have accomplished something they couldn't and yet totally unsure as to why I am bringing it to them.

My choices are to catch you, kill you, and give you to my mom OR I could go inside and macrame a nice plant holder.

And that, my dears, it that. I took my second Willpower and Grace class tonight and my ass has thoroughly been kicked. And I love it. But I'm tired and I want to go to bed.

It just occurred to me that I need to make a projects list and start crossing them off. Maybe I'll start that here.

* Joseph's quilt
* Baby Girl's quilt
* Em's purple flannel pjs
* Blankets for St Joes
* MY fleece blanket
* Abi's knitting needle holder
* Em's DS holder
* Line the living room curtains
* Place mats and cafe curtains for the dining room
* Curtains for my office

Oh hell, too many to list. But at least I have a place to start, right?

Talk to you later when I'll tell what a chem lab has in common with a pencil holder. I swear it.

Love to you all,
The Empress

Ssssh! Don't You See Spock is DYING???

Before I start blathering on about crafts and nonsense, I have to tell you why I'm posting this afternoon. Captain Hubby and I got a new bed today. We've been sleeping on a full sized bed since we moved in June and with Em, two dogs, and two cats trying to get into it with us, it has gotten crowded. Not to mention that I'm pretty sure that someone really, really old and famous but not offensive to mention was conceived on these mattresses. So, it was time to upgrade. We bought the bed and box spring from a friend's estate sale and then we went out and bought a BRAND! NEW! MATTRESS! I have never owned a new mattress and Joe and I have never owned a new mattress and new mattresses are awesome. We got a really great deal on the floor sample of a discontinued style. It was discounted enough that we were able to upgrade and still spend less than what we were going to on the lower-end of the mid-line. So, we got that all set up and made the bed with the new electric blanket and quilt we also got at the estate sale. I might not get out of bed tomorrow.

Anyway, after all of the running around and chores and home improvement stuff we did, Captain Hubby came into the living room and sat down to watch "Wrath of Khan". I've never seen it. And so, in my ignorance, I came in from reading on my BRAND! NEW! MATTRESS! and tried to talk to him during the last 20  minutes - which I guess are pretty intense minutes? - and got the worst shush-ing of my life. Shushed like I answered my phone in the movie theater during Fantine's death scene. Shushed like I almost gave away a spoiler alert for "Downton Abbey". How the hell was I supposed to know how important the last 20 minutes of that movie are? My comment, "Why are these Klingon always quoting Shakespeare when they die?" was not received well, either.

I talk a good game, but underneath the Land's End sweater and skinny jeans, I'm a giant geek.

So when last you saw your Crafty Empress, she had just finished sorting, purging, and reorganizing her sewing area. Well, it didn't stop there. I have mentioned the ADHD, right? Well, this will be your introduction to my OCD. Or, as I like to call it, CDO. In alphabetical order, AS IT SHOULD BE. Ahem.

Notice that those are NOT my fabric scissors.

One of the things I discovered when I was cleaning out my fabric drawers were a few projects I started at one point but got bored with (read: saw prettier fabric) and put back in the drawer. This is one of those projects.

This is boring as hell.

I sewed three seams, and then nothing. I couldn't even remember WHAT is was at first. Finally it came to me - this was the fabric I bought about three years ago to recover an ottoman I don't even own anymore. Fortunately, it matches my new living room, so I finished up the edges, pressed it all out and when I get the bridging shelf over the TV, this will be my new runner for it. However, I wanted to put buttons on the corners. I am newly obsessed with buttons. My mom gave me a giant tin of my great-grandmother's old buttons about 6 days after I got a shipment of 1,600 buttons from Oriental Trading. It was amazing, but not organized. I couldn't find 4 matching brown buttons. So while Captain Hubby worked out, we put "Raising Hope" on Netflix, I sorted buttons. I sorted probably close to 4,000 buttons.

Hey buddy - can you spare a button?

The crazy thing? I didn't have a jar big enough for the white/ivory buttons. I had to use a vase for the black ones. I actually went to Costco and purposely bought stuff in huge jars so that when it's gone (I think Queen olives and maybe spaghetti sauce?), I'll have jars big enough to hold the black and white buttons. I've added a couple more jars since I took this picture and I am running out of button-jar storage space. See the shelf in the upper left corner? Where the jar of star buttons is? That's where I store the jars. Two rows and the shelf is packed. One day, Captain Hubby will find me in the basement, hunched over my sewing table, mumbling to myself about needing another 34 jars as I am separating the blue buttons by color, size, and material. See? Obsessed. Send all button donations to me directly, but send them in a shoe box so The Captain won't question the package.

Of course, after I finished sorting, I still couldn't find 4 matching brown buttons, so I went out and bought some. They are in the brown button jar, waiting to be sewn onto the runner.

Well, Star Trek is over and I get to have The Captain back. There's really nothing on to watch, but since he was snotty and shushed me, I'm going to watch "Hoarders" and make him sit here with me and see what he's in for if he doesn't help me purge every so often.

Love lorn and phosphor. Or whatever.

Love, The Empress

Slacker McCrafterston of the Lower West Side McCrafterstons

Wow. 16 days since my last post. That's a bit ridiculous. In my defense, I took the rest of my break and sat on my tukkus and did as close to nothing as you can without actually being dead. Which was awesome. Captain Hubby had to work most of those days so Em and I sat around in our pajamas and our own unwashed smell and watched crap on TV and ate unhealthy food for about 4 days. At one point in time, I woke up from yet another 2 hour nap on the couch to find Emeline sitting on the living room carpet, two inches from the television set, surrounded by empty pouches of applesauce, a GIANT bag of Skittles, two banana peels, and a can of Sprite she unearthed from Lord only knows where as the last time I bought Sprite, the guy from the movie "Annie" was doing the 7-Up commercials.

 Do you remember this commercial? Of course you do.

I don't know why I had to use Punjab as my time reference, but I did mostly because I couldn't remember as significant a soda promotion as "Never had it, never will." I miss Cherry 7-Up. I love that stuff. My grandfather was hooked on it. Said it tasted like the cherry phosphates he would get at the soda shop in downtown Detroit when he was a boy. I think he said he would pay 2 pebbles and a stick for one which was totally highway robbery at the time, but it was so delicious, he couldn't help it. Crap. This is not where I was going. Where was I going?

OH!  YES!! Why I haven't updated!! Because I was too lazy to transfer the photos I was taking from my phone to the email to the computer to the file to here and then be witty and shit. I was too busy sleeping, eating, and malnourishing my child. No wonder she ended up dressing herself like this:

If my mother bothered to do anything but watch Judge Judy and sleep, I would actually have pants to wear.

So, yeah. I did nothing and then I started back to school - 12 credit hours this semester - and I also started my new exercise and health routine which means I am doings things like sleeping, taking Advil, and looking for food to hoard and eat in my bed when everyone else is sleeping.

Which isn't to say I haven't been crafting. No, sir. Or ma'am. Or miss. I just haven't been posting about crafting. But I did take some pictures! And so over the next couple of days, I will present to you what I was working on while Emeline ate nothing from the food pyramid nor, indeed, anything that exists in nature. 

Empress Lovescrafts or: 

How I Learned to Stop Being a Hoarder and Actually Love Purging My Stuff

My sewing area was driving me nuts. Too many scraps and yardage that I was never going to use. A lot of it was stuff I inherited from other people (I am like the Humane Society for Lost and Stray Fabric) and so, on New Year's Day, an insect decided to perambulate into my rectum. Which, of course, meant I needed to share that insect. So, I asked Captain Hubby if he would help. And he did! In his own way. He says, "I was sleeping and was therefore out of your way and quiet." It's hard to argue with logic like that.

Robo-Dog will eat your face if you try to wake The Captain.

And so, it began. Before the Four Days of Sloth when my body still contained protein and fiber to burn for energy. The box and white garbage bag are containers to sort through. The black bin is full of the scraps from the four empty drawers you see on the floor. My goal was to get the fabric sorted by useable scraps, quilting squares/jelly-rolls/turnovers/etc, fat quarters/fat eights, and fabric larger than 1 yard. I was sick of watching The Twilight Zone marathon, so I changed the channel to "The First 48" and got to work. 

Taking a picture of the fabric I want to sort is really just putting of the actual sorting. I can haz procrastination. Lots.

I have to take a minute here and tell you about Abi. Abi is my friend. She is also my conscience, my motivation, and my voice of reason. I have ADHD (I'm also totally mental) and when I have a large project to hand, a lot of the time I get overwhelmed and then just don't do what I need to get done. Abi has been invaluable to me in getting me to not only get shit done, but she has also helped me learn how to sort through my things with a critical eye and really purge when I need to purge and to take inventory of what I have and keep it in mind when I decide I "need" something that I might not. Like purple tank tops. I have 4. I don't need another one. Anyway, it is saying something when I tell you that I had the motivation and the wherewithal to start, tackle, and complete this project ON MY OWN made me feel like a total rock star. And the results were awesome.

The black bin is yardage greater than a yard. The drawer on left holds the scraps I kept. The drawer on the right holds my quilting pieces.

Two empty drawers! Empty craft/sewing drawers are an abomination. Must fix.

 Of course I wanted to fill those two drawers with new stuff!! But alas, I made the vow that unless it is for a specific project and nothing I currently have will accomplish what I want, I am not buying fabric until I clear off my projects table that includes about 10 fleece blankets for the pedes unit at St. Joes. So instead, I decided to rearrange the drawers in the basement and ACTUALLY LABEL THEM.

No one likes to be labeled. Except craft drawers.

You will live up to your labels. If not, you will be re-labeled. Once I get more labeling tape.

This used up all my drawers and I rearranged my shelving, too. I don't have a picture of that. I think my phone died. After all that, here is the glorious pile of garbage:

"I've never seen anybody drive their garbage down to the street and bang the hell out of it with a stick. I-I've never seen that."

So that was the cleaning project. And between picking up Em from school, welcoming Captain Hubby home from work, and a drop-in guest (our friend, Peter who came over to pick up some nerd books so Peter knows what role to play and what to do when he, Captain Hubby, and some of our other friends get together to do their series of plays called "Shadowrun" which will only play in our dining room) it has taken me almost as long to post this as it took me to sort through all that fabric. So I'm gonna leave it here, my dears, and go find something gluten-free, low fat, high fiber, and low calorie to eat. And then later, I'll go get a donut. And then post more pictures.

Love to you all -
The Empress

It's a Crafty New Year!

Happy 2013!

So far it's been awesome. Captain Hubby went out for McDonald's breakfast, I've got Twilight Zone on SyFy, and I'm cooking up ideas for my next couple of projects. Other than basic household chores and such, I am spending the next few days lost in the glorious-ness of my newly organized sewing area. But first! What I got myself into the other day.

I went downstairs for some much needed alone time and to make a blanket I was giving as a gift. I put West Wing on Netflix and then took stock of my area. And I went into an almost immediate ADHD/OCD fit because NOTHING IS WHERE I WANT IT! And so, I spent 2.5 hours rearranging and reorganizing. It looks a lot better, but not exactly how I want. The walls of the basement are cinder block, so some of my ideas are going to take a masonry bit and Captain Hubby to make them come to fruition. Primarily what I want for paint and wood craft storage. I also realized that if I got some comic book backers, I could store my fabric in a more efficient way - kind of like mini-bolts - on shelves. I currently have 4 sets of these plastic storage drawers:

Which, are OK, I guess, but they are pretty cumbersome and don't work as well when they are full and heavy. As mine all are.

But!! I have been shown by Pinterest that there are many other, more awesome solutions and ways to store my fabric. If I do the mini-bolt thing, I can get rid of most of the drawers, put in shelves, and that would, theoretically, give me more room own there. Then I can use some of the drawers for pattern storage, Girl Scout craft storage and then give Em a couple of them for toy storage. See? I have A Plan.

However, I had no shelves or the like, so I cleaned up my scraps, rearranged some of the drawers, and go down to business. My plans were for sure to finish the blanket and then I was going to start on an awesome pillow I saw on Pinterest to use up some of my Wonder-Under. I got the blanket done, but then other things demanded to be made.

My friend A plays pool competitively. I saw this fabric at Joann one day and I stopped in my tracks, pointed, and went into a Horshack-like trance yelling, "OOOH! OOOH! OOOH!" Captain Hubby was with me and was seemed confuzzled as to my erratic behavior (You'd think he'd be used to it by now. I am at least half magpie, half toddler and anything what catches my interest results in my bouncing around, doing a pee-pee dance, and tugging on the closest pant leg until I get what I want.). So, I bought it and a coordinating fabric and added another Christmas project to my list. And so, that was the first thing I got done on Sunday. A came over last night and I gave it to her. I think it's easy to see how much she loves it.

But where are the stripes?

My other friend, Abi, gave me a challenge to get rid of my fleece stash - or at the very least not buy anymore. She isn't wrong. I am hopelessly addicted to fleece remnants which are the perfect size for making kids blankets. However. After sorting and matching up my prints with the coordinating solids, I discovered that I have enough fleece to make about 10 kids blankets. I set them all aside to spend a couple of days on over my Winter Break so that I can donate them to the St. Joseph's Hospital pedes wing. I was left with a couple of larger pieces of scraps that weren't large enough to make a lot with. One of them was this awesome paisley and floral in shades of golds and reds that I made a blanket out of a few years ago. I don't like hats in the winter. I don't like how I look in them, but I walk across campus almost every day and my ears will freeze up and break off if I don't have something to cover them up. My primary winter coat is red, so I decided to make myself an ear warmer. And then I decided it needed an obnoxious flower on it. And so, this was project #2:

Pardon the horrible picture of me. I showered and had clothes on. That was about the limit of my self-grooming abilities on Sunday morning.I'm not totally pleased with it. It's too wide and ended up looking like a dang hat. But, it'll do, I guess. I have some more fabric and could easily take the flower off and put it on a different one.

I then decided that Em needed a new hat. Now, Em has a TINY head. And I have yet to be able to make a hat (or ear warmer, now) that fits the person I make it for. So I got a pattern and cut out my pieces and set about to making her hat.

And the damn thing was too big and I didn't like it so I didn't take any pictures of it. Of course, having a totally contrary girl like I do, she loves it - despite it being hunormous on her teeny, tiny noggin - and she wore it to her Aunt J's last night.

Like most sewers/quilters/crafters I know, I have a Works In Progress table. This is the place where projects go to wait. For me, they are usually pattern pieces all cut out, but for whatever reason my magpie/toddle personality got the better of me and I abandoned the project. The projects that were on there after my cleaning and rearranging Sunday were a pair of purple tie-dye flannel pajamas for Em, the quilt squares and backing for my youngest nephew, and the pieces for a duffel bag I cut out last February.

I love Vera Bradley bags. I love the quilting, the fabric choices, the saturated colors, the ridiculous florals. However their price tag is way out of my reach. Even used. But, in preparation for my Girl's Weekend last winter, I decided to see if I could make one. Found a pattern I liked. Simplicity 2274.


Now, the pattern calls for batting and front and back fabric and all of this stuff that I was just too lazy to deal with. But because the gods of fabric love me, I found an awesome double sided quilted material that was very reminiscent of a Vera Bradley print. And so, I took my new stuff home to make my bag.

Well, that night, Captain Hubby and I got into a really horrible, awful, fight. And as a result, I haven't been able to touch it for almost a year. But, things are good now (better than before, even) and I wanted it off my table. And so I pinned it up and got it made.

I love this bag more than my luggage.

 I love this bag. I couldn't love it anymore if it was a Gerard Butler print. I accidentally bought a coat zipper for the top, so the zipper end slips out. Turns out, I actually like that. It gives me more room to cram more crap in there. As anyone who has witnessed my packing can attest- be it a bag, suitcase, or moving box - I hate unpacked space. I will cram and take whatever nonsense I will never use in order for ALL OF THE ROOM to be taken up by STUFF. I might have a problem. Or rather, one more to add to the ever growing list of problems.

After I was done with the bag, I looked at my leftovers and because I over buy fabric I had enough left over to make a coordinating toiletry/make up bag.

Now the question becomes can I travel wit this little make-up?

 There wasn't a pattern for the make-up bag. I just kind of winged it. Wung it? I don't know - I made it up based on how I saw other make-up bags I have were constructed. It's fabulous. And so, I have my Crafty Empress as inspired by Vera Bradley duffel bag and make-up case.

I still have more fabric left. Maybe I'll make something else out of it. I haven't decided what yet.

And when I was done there, it was 2:30 in the morning and Captain Hubby had gotten as far as he could in Black Ops and so we both decided we needed to go to bed.

And with that, I am going downstairs to grab the metric ton of fabrics scraps and do some sorting. Maybe I'll get down to my sewing area at some point today and have even more awesomeness to post to you tomorrow.

Here's wishing you an awesome New Year's day and a fabulous 2013. May you live a little better, learn a little more, and love with an overflowing heart.

The Empress